Rules for a night out

I'm organising an afternoon off work for a few friends. As organiser, it is customary to impose any rules to be observed on the day. These are the rules I emailed out to the crew today. I'm a little proud of them! Thought I'd share.

(As background, my role as organiser is enough to warrant 'Captain' status. Previous organisers have been dubbed either Captain or Admiral. I'm not entirely sure why we do this, maybe just to instil a sense of authority. Number 6 will probably make more sense now you know.)

Rules:
1) The intention is an [insert area here] pub crawl. That said, any venue which we can walk, stumble or crawl to is fair game, but taxi journeys between venues should be avoided (caveat: unless the Captain rules that there is sufficient justification).

2) The visitation of ‘poncey’ venues is not explicitly forbidden, but will be frowned upon (caveat: unless the Captain rules that there is sufficient justification).

3) I will NOT be invoking the requirement of the ‘one and on’ rule. If we find a pub we like, I advocate we stay there for a few.

4) If anyone would like to be responsible for holding the kitty for the entire day, please step forwards. Assuming no volunteers, it will be passed between people every time we change venues. Those who have already been responsible for the kitty at any point throughout the afternoon/ evening are exempt from having to do so again.

5) The organiser for the next outing will be decided as follows:
Priority 1: Anyone who falls asleep/ loses consciousness/ is responsible for any of the emergency services being contacted.
Priority 2: Anyone caught b*tching about either the food or the planning decisions made by the Captain (including comments about the extensive list of rules).
Priority 3: Failing that, the first to leave will take this baton.

6) For the avoidance of doubt, the only people who are exempt from organising the next one are Admirals, Captains and previous organisers of brands awareness days who aren’t fortunate enough to have a rank in the Royal Navy.

7) Anyone who is caught communicating with the office via email or phone will have to pay a forfeit (unless they feel brave/ stupid enough to brag to the rest of the work force). I welcome any suggestions as to what the forfeit should be.