Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, Nobody

I'm not a big fan of poems, but I stumbled across one the other day that I really enjoyed. I think it is called 'Everybody, Somebody, Anybody, Nobody' but I'm not entirely sure. Without further ado, here it is:

There was a most important job that needed to be done,
And no reason not to do it, there was absolutely none.
But in vital matters such as this, the thing you have to ask
Is who exactly will it be who'll carry out the task?
Anybody could have told you that Everybody knew
That this was something Somebody would surely have to do.
Nobody was unwilling; Anybody had the ability.
But Nobody believed that it was their responsibility.
It seemed to be a job that Anybody could have done,
If Anybody thought he was supposed to be the one.
But since Everybody recognized that Anybody could,
Everybody took for granted that Somebody would.
But Nobody told Anybody that we are aware of,
That he would be in charge of seeing it was taken care of.
And Nobody took it on himself to follow through,
And do what Everybody thought that Somebody would do.
When what Everybody needed so did not get done at all,
Everybody was complaining that Somebody dropped the ball.
Anybody then could see it was an awful crying shame,
And Everybody looked around for Somebody to blame.
Somebody should have done the job
And Everybody should have,
But in the end Nobody did
What Anybody could have.

Charles Osgood



The fact that this was very pertinent to an ongoing issue might have also been a major reason for my enjoyment.

If I were the CEO of O2...

If I were the CEO of O2 (or insert name of any other UK telecommunications company here), I would recognise that the technological industry moves at an astonishing pace.

I would understand that people really care about getting their hands on the latest tech, and I would make it easy for them.

But wait, don't the latest 'must-have' gadgets come at a fairly hefty price? Yes. Yes they do. If I were the CEO of O2, I would get rid of the ridiculous and archaic pricing structures that are not well suited to modern smartphones. I would make it easier for the consumer to see exactly how much they're spending over the course of the contract. I would even change the pricing model so that customers wouldn't necessarily have to tie themselves in to a ridiculously long contract in order to get a competitive deal. I would make it easy and flexible for customers to get exactly the right deal they want, but without impacting the profit of the business in a negative way.

But if there's no rigidly watertight contract to tie them in, won't they just go to another network provider? Possibly. To prevent this, I would always ensure the pricing structure is competitive with the market. I would improve the customer service, so that even on the busiest day of the year my customers would definitely not be waiting for TWO HOURS just to speak to a real person. (Because when they finally get through after enduring such a ridiculous length of time listening to a loop of 3 songs by Take That, I know that they'll already be pissed off). I would improve the business to make sure that a customer has a really hard time thinking of a reason to leave. However if they did want to leave, I wouldn't make it hard for them. Competition is a good thing.

If a customer wants to upgrade, I would get rid of all the ridiculous loops that they have to jump through. I would get rid of the astonishing sums of money that have to be paid even if it's just a few days before they're 'due' to. In fact, I would even get rid of the dates that upgrades are due. If people want to shell out for the latest smartphone then they'll still be paying O2 every month... won't they?

I would make my customers feel valued. If there's a rewards scheme in place, I would make sure the rewards are worth being excited about. In determining the greatness of the award which a customer deserves I wouldn't just factor in the size of the monthly direct debit, I would factor in the length of time a customer has been with O2.

I would do all of this because I understand that unhappy customers will go elsewhere. They'll jump ship to another network who can give them what they want, when they want it, and for less money. What's better, 5 customers paying £25 a month or 3 customers paying £30 a month?

-------------

Alas, I'm not the CEO of O2. Ronan Dunne, I think you've got a few things wrong with your business model. Why is this post aimed at O2, you ask? It's because I've just broken off our relationship of 5 years. It wasn't working for me.

What do you see when you turn on the TV?

"What do you see when you turn on the TV?
These are the people we aspire to be.
Twenty four hours seven days every week;
Overnight celebrities, reality thieves*."


Yes, I'm well aware of the fact that I just posted song lyrics. Don't judge me as you would judge me if I posted some random lyrics on a Facebook post without providing context, for I am about to explain why I posted them.

I tuned into radio one yesterday evening. Normally at that time of day I wouldn't go near radio one, I only tend to listen to the Chris Moyles show. But the song above caught my attention before I could switch to a different station.

The song is called Fiber Optic by Echo Park. The reason it caught my attention? It hit the nail on the head not just with what's wrong with TV these days, but also a large part of what is wrong with THE WORLD these days.

Ok, I'm exaggerating a little. From THE WORLD I think it's safe to exclude the billion or so people who don't have a TV. I hope there are countries in which people haven't heard of 'reality TV' or it hasn't caught on, so if so then they can be excluded too. In addition you can also exclude the minority who choose not to watch that crap (yes, we are a minority). I imagine what's left is most of the 'developed' world.

Anyway, on to the subject of today's post: why do people get so much enjoyment out of watching utter rubbish on the telly?

I can maybe understand that many viewers of programs such as the x-factor are watching out of aspiration, and I guess that's ok. But some people just watch it to see poor sods get humiliated in front of millions of people. Am I the only one who thinks that's not cool?

If it was escapism then I might understand. Escapism is a big reason why books and films are enjoyed by so many. It's not though. Who wants to escape their daily life and be locked in a house with a bunch of other people specifically selected because of the fact that they are NUTTERS? Case in point: big brother. It's not escapism, it's nosiness.

I don't understand why fame is desired by so many (unless it's the kind of fame that visionaries such as Steve Jobs are entitled to).
I don't understand why so many people watch this reality TV crap.
I don't understand how it is possible for such an astonishing amount of money to be made off the back of people's desperation to become famous.
I don't understand why people don't go down the 'normal' route to fame, if that's what they think they're after.

I don't understand.




*I think I've got the last word right, but google/ the internet failed me so I wasn't able to verify the lyrics