Manslaughter, but the victim was a scumbag who broke into my house?

As the film I had been watching finished I decided it was about time I stop lazing about in my bedroom. Then, all of a sudden, a THUMP shook through the house. It shook through the empty house. The house that I had all to myself.

This wasn't a thump, this was a THUMP. Far bigger than a stubbing your toe thump, much nearer the 'sky is falling' end of the scale. It was a structural THUMP.

As I was walking to the other end of the hall to try and work out just what the hell had made the noise, I heard another THUMP. It wasn't upstairs, so had to be downstairs. What is going on?

As my foot touched the third stair from the top, there were another two THUMPs in rapid succession. Something is definitely not right. I went into my bedroom and peeked through the gap in the curtains into the late afternoon light.

There was a man picking up a rock in my garden. A man I had never seen before. In my garden. He was about six foot tall, mid to late twenties, very short ginger hair. Wearing a long beige overcoat.

This guy is trying to get in to my house. I'm inside my house. Fuck.

I can remember a lot of what happened in the next couple of seconds. Flight, fight or freeze? I froze whilst I considered the options.

Should I run away? Not a chance. This is my house. It'll have to be a fight then.

So I thought about what I could use to inflict the most damage to the Big Ginger Burglar Bastard (BGBB). That particular thought process didn't take very long. I picked up my 4D cell Maglite from where it lives under my bed. For those who are unfamiliar, the 4D Maglite is the kind of torch that's more of a weapon than a device which emits light. I suspect it could even be heavier than the batons which the police use. THEN I phoned 999. I think only about 10 seconds must have elapsed between spotting BGBB and the operator answering my call.

As I was speaking to the operator, the double glazing finally gave way. I heard the unmistakeable tinkle of broken glass, rapidly followed by the sound of someone running up the stairs. The door to my bedroom (which at this point was closed) is at the top of the stairs.

After a few barely audible attempts at whispering what was happening, the operator understood what I was trying to say. BGBB was in the house. The police were now on their way.

At that moment, my Maglite at the ready, I was prepared to do whatever it took. To defend myself. To defend my home. To get BGBB out of the house. Maybe even to make sure BGBB ended up behind bars.

The next few minutes are a bit of a blur. It transpired that merely seconds after the window had broken my mum and my sister had got home. It was my sister who had run up the stairs. BGBB had legged it after hearing the the noise of someone being inside.

Two police cars turned up less than three minutes after I placed the 999 call. Within the next minute another three vehicles turned up, but not all of them stayed now that we'd ascertained the burglar wasn't in the house and my life wasn't in immediate danger. I remember standing at the door and seeing two German Shepherd shaped blurs running past the path I can see from the front door. The various emergency services might get slagged for response times every now and then, but when I needed them they were there. I am very grateful for that.

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That's what happened to me a few years back. Before you delve any further into this post, make sure you're aware of the bit of news which inspired this post: Man bailed over Bramhall 'intruder' stab death

If any one of the hundreds of variables in my situation had been even slightly different, I could have ended up in the same position as Vincent Cooke: on bail for the suspected killing of an intruder.

I should probably clarify that I don't know any more about this particular news article than what's been reported. For all I know, the press could be spinning this way out of proportion... it's not like they haven't been known to do that in the past. Hell, Mr Cooke could even be a psychopath! What I'm saying is that the full details haven't come to light yet and so I don't know enough to pass judgement about this incident. (It's worth noting, however, that I made up the bit about the psychopath in order to illustrate that if he was in fact a psycho then the circumstances would have been very different from my own, making the rest of this post irrelevant to that particular item of news.) 

Since BGBB tried to break in I learned from an ex armed police officer (one of the coolest people I have ever met) a bit more about the laws regarding defending yourself in your own home. This is what I understand: you can do anything you feel necessary to defend yourself, with any weapon which is at hand, IF you confront the intruder, IF the intruder meets your challenge. If the intruder is retreating then you cannot do anything, however IF not and IF you judge that force is required then go for it. IF you reassess the situation and come to the conclusion that more force is required, then you can apply more force.

Looking past all of the ifs and caveats it all sounds fairly sensible. Actually, hold on a minute. Some BGBB breaks in to my home, causing fear for my life and a fair bit of damage in the process. And if he had been successful in gaining entry to my home, he would have had rights?!? No. I don't think that's right. That can't be right. If this scumbag has taken it upon himself not only to violate the security of the one place where I should feel safest but also to attempt to steal belongings we have worked hard to pay for, then frankly he deserves all that's coming to him. 

It shocked me in hindsight, but in that moment between speaking to the 999 operator and working out what had actually happened I was prepared to do anything. Absolutely anything. But wait! Before I did something I might regret, wasn't I going to go and Google what the laws are so that I could be completely clear and well informed? Pfffft. 

Don't get me wrong, I'm not advocating capital punishment or even the death penalty here. I do, however, think that for situations such as this there could be room in the law for a new offence: 'Manslaughter, but the victim was a scumbag who broke into my house'. Ok, I'll grant that coming up with the legal parameters for what qualifies a scumbag could take a bit of time. The lawyers might also have to come up with a slightly more baffling way of saying the same thing. But think about it, it would give people more rights to defend their own home than they have on the streets! 

Surely that can't be a bad thing. Can it?

(Coincidentally, the book I'm currently reading by the wonderful Christopher Brookmyre explores the theme of what a normal person could or even would do under extreme circumstances. More specifically, what a granny would/ could do when put up against international arms dealers. The title? "It's all fun and games until somebody loses an eye". Like every single one of Chris' books it's well worth a read. You don't even need to have read any of his other books before you read this one.)

They never caught BGBB.